Bouncing Back!!

"Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."

"The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."

"No matter how far life pushes you down, no matter how much you hurt, you can always bounce back."


OK so..I do look like shit..literally... and it's embarrassing.. but I have to post this pic.. sorry Mom!

But today, would be considered my "chemical low". The point at which I've received the maximum amount of chemoradiation therapy. Yes I do have 8 sessions of radiation left but.. after 20 sessions completed along with today's completion of my chemotherapy, my body physically has received at this point, the most it will be accepting.

I do have surgery sometime in October however, today.. after my last chemo session, this should be considered my bottom.

So from this point on, I begin my recovery!! And I promise to get stronger every day. Yes tomorrow may bring back the nausea, the vomiting, the diarrhea and the rash.. I may feel like puking every time I sneeze or strain to stand straight when rising from my chair. But from this day forward I begin my ascent.

My stats, weighing in at 149lbs..... or about a 34lb loss.. My strength is half of what it should be but will be getting better by the day. My white blood count should be between 4-11 and it's 1.2 today, my reds top out at 30 when my normal is 43. Yes I will be dropping down again after surgery. But surgery is a day of pain and immediate recovery. Chemo and radiation are weeks of injury and decline.

So my picture you ask?? It's my commitment, my reminder that I may look weak... may look sick, may lack my physical strength.. may be pale and may be gaunt. But I am strong.. I am positive and I am confident. I know the odds, 14 percent survival rate for 5 years.. ranking 3rd worst on the list behind pancreatic and liver..

But the odds don't know me.. my persistence, attitudes, beliefs and drive.

I actually am ahead of schedule.. been on a self imposed emotional and spiritual incline since last weeks chemo. Feeling like beating those odds.. willing my way back to good health. Yes the tube is gone until surgery, the negative feelings are suppressed.. and my energy is skyrocketing.

And I want to thank everyone around me.. my friends my family, Cathi.. my new found cousins.. most of whom I haven't spoken a word to in more than 35 years but everyone..EVERYONE is stepping up and I cannot thank you all enough and only wish I could be the person you all have been for me.

Most important is my mom and dad.. my mom, the sweetest person I know and is struggling with both my illness and my dad's recurrence of lung cancer. My mom actually was at my dad's oncologist the day I received my news.. talk about pain.. talk about the burden of your spouse and your youngest child getting the dreaded news at the same time. I only wish I had her strength!

And my dad.. the most positive man I know and I thank him for my guidance.

I have to mention, still working in his late 70's.. still working through chemo and previous radiation for lung and prostate cancer. Going to work with the fatigue, digestive problems, pain and mouth sores..

When you ask.. "I'm doing great Michael, there is nothing wrong with me!" but dad, you have cancer.. and I always get back.. "I'm alright!"

So how could I even begin to complain..

My brother Mark.. my best friend, my confidant and my strength in knowing that he will always be there in his support and love..

My sister Renee.. when I look at her I see my mom, kind, sweet caring and a rock among the waves.. and only wish I could express what she means to me and my life.

So 149 lbs is how you see me today.. for those of you that haven't seen me in over 35 years, I'll post a current pic prior to my current situation so you know where I'm going to be by Thanksgiving..

So hang in here with me.. I'm no longer sick, no longer negative and no longer struggling. I'm at my bottom and and beginning anew.. I'M BOUNCING BACK!!